Does self-denial equal self-hatred?

For many years as a young Christian I struggled terribly with the idea of self-denial. My warped understanding of what the Bible was teaching led to years of great unhappiness, frustration, introspection and an increasingly bitter, fearful attitude to God. If you find yourself having the same struggle, please read on. I hope and pray that  these reflections will help liberate souls from this dark, unproductive prison.  

It seemed to me from what I read in the scriptures that self-denial equalled self-hatred. Worked out, this meant that my own desires, whatever their end, were to be denied. Conversely, whatever I most disliked or feared seemed most likely to be God’s will for me. Not surprisingly I found it very difficult to feel love God as a result. It seemed God did not love it seemed did not in fact love me at all but wanted to wipe out all trace of me as an individual. Of course, such thoughts only served to increase my sense of guilt that I felt so negatively towards God.

It was only after a long, depressing struggle that God finally broke through to me with the light of his love and helped me to understand the kind of self-denial he desired. Nowhere in the scriptures are we commanded to hate ourselves, nor simply to deny our own desires or needs as if the denial of them were an end in themselves. Denying ourselves is always linked to affirming someone else (the Lord), and the denial of our own desires to some alternative, positive action. Jesus had commanded in Matt 16:24 when he said that ‘if anyone would come after me he must ‘deny himself, take up his cross and follow me’ (Matt 16:24) and this is what Peter tells Jesus he and the disciples have done in Matt 19:26: ‘We have left everything to follow you!’ Jesus himself, the ultimate example of self-denial, did not simply deny himself for its own sake, but ‘…for your sakes became poor, that you through his poverty might become rich’ (2 Cor 8:9)  and ‘…for the joy set before him endured the cross’ (Heb 12:2).

What I believe the Bible is commanding is an attitude of joyful, liberated self-forgetfulness that comes from being entirely secure in our knowledge of who we are in Christ and of God’s love for us, overwhelmed by what God has done for us and sure of our future in heaven. Such a person simply doesn’t need to keep thinking about themselves. Such a person will be willing to put their own desires and needs second when the glory of God or the needs of others demand it. The Bible teaches us such self-denial for the sake of others, but never teaches a blanket denial of all our desires nor makes denial of our desires a spiritual end in itself, except those desires that are inherently sinful. In fact, in Colossians 2 Paul criticises such teachings because they delude people that they are doing the right thing and do nothing to curb true sinfulness.

Striving to hate ourselves only serves to focus our attention on ourselves more than ever, embitters us against a good and loving God and traps us in endless introspection. A self-forgetful person has their attention and affections taken up with Christ. Instead of producing miserable, dutiful Christians such a mindset produces Christians who are winsome, joyful and effective.